“They’re out to get me, Doc!”
“Who is this they, Gerald? And please come out from behind the couch.”
Gerald slowly peaked out over the top of the couch back, his face obstructed by the gas mask he was wearing. After taking a cautious look around, he stepped around and sat upon his former hiding place.
“Them, Doc, THEM. They’re everywhere, Doc, and they are trying to kill me.”
“Gerald, there is no one trying to kill you. We have been over this before. Remember two months ago when you thought the mail carrier for your building was trying to kill you by poisoning your mail? It turned out to be nothing of the sort.”
“Yeah, OK, I may have been wrong on that one. But I swear, Doc, they are really out to get me!”
“Just like the Meteorological Society was plotting your demise last December? What was their method again?”
“Trained ninja icicles.”
“Ah yes, trained ninja icicles. How exactly does one train an icicle, Gerald?”
“I wasn’t able to figure it out before it warmed up and melted them all. That warm spell was the only thing that foiled their plans, Doc. But this isn’t them. This is a worldwide conspiracy. It’s the …”, Gerald looked quickly back and forth, scanning the room for anyone who could have materialized into the closed office space before whispering, “… the Verdant Society.”
“I’m sorry, the what? It really is hard to understand you with that gas mask on, Gerald. I understand it helps you feel more at ease, but you really must speak louder and enunciate if you insist on wearing it during our sessions.”
“The Verdant Society! Is that clear enough for you, Doc?”
“I’ve never heard of them. What can you tell me about them, Gerald?”
“What can’t I tell you, Doc? They are a global organization. They experience regular periods of activity followed by short periods of dormancy, though they are always active somewhere in the world. They focus their operations on bringing down the Industrialized nations of the world by striking at the very people of those societies, releasing bioagents into those areas to incapacitate and potentially kill off those who would seek to expand the footprint of the Industrialized world upon the Earth. One could call them Luddites, but one would be wrong. It is not technology they have issue with, it is those who have embraced that technology and lost some measure of contact to the Preindustrial world as a result. It is that loss of contact that marks you, even though you may not realize you have been so marked. It may start with a sniffle, a cough, watery eyes, there are numerous signs. But it can quickly spread, making you an easily identifiable target to the VS, especially if you decide to try to cover up your mark by some over the counter …”
“Are you talking about hay fever, Gerald?”
“Hay fever. It always sounded like a code word to me too, Doc, but I can see you know what I am talking about.”
Gerald sneezed. Then shrieked.
“Calm down, Gerald, it is merely allergies. Let me get you some antihistamines and water and you can tell me all about this plant conspiracy of yours.”
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So every spring for the last 15 years of so, I have had to deal with allergies. Which sucks because I did not have to deal with them before I moved to where I live. And this last week has been the start of the Hell Season, throwing me completely off my game on the writing front.
Perhaps I should do a Spring Rant …