“At last I hold it in my hands! The statue of Ixitchatlcozutan! I have been searching for this relic for far too long and now my search has come to an end!”
I turn to the guide who led me to the final location.
“And you! You have played no small role in this. You have aided me in fulfilling my destiny, in making my finest discovery! Your name will be known among the archaeological circles for all time. The plaque for this items display will read ‘Ixitchatlcozutan, Discovered by G. M. Smythe and‘ … and what is your name?”
“Um … it’s Timothy. Do you…”
“‘Discovered by G. M. Smythe and Timothy‘ … well, it will include your last name as well, Timothy, but you get the idea. This is a glorious day indeed! Remember this moment, Timothy. Remember it well. You will be able to tell your grandchildren that you were here at this momentous occasion!”
“Uh … OK, sure. Look mister…”
“That’s Doctor, Timothy, Doctor Smythe. But you, you my dear friend may call me Gib. Why stand on formalities on such an auspicious day? And I will call you Timothy.”
“Yeah, sure … I mean that is my name, so I guess it makes …”
“But we waste time, Timothy. We must prepare the statue for transport! It must be packed carefully so as to avoid any damage. I want this to arrive at the Society’s doorstep in as pristine a condition as it is now in my hands. I can just image the look on Wollgarth’s face when he opens the crate and gazes down upon this glorious find!”
“We, uh, we don’t have any crates, mist … um … Doc … ah … Gib.”
“No crates? How on earth will I be able to safely ship this antiquity to my colleagues, Timothy?”
“Well, I can gift wrap it for you for an extra $2.95, if you want.”
“Yes, yes, that’s brilliant! Better to disguise the statue during shipment. We wouldn’t want some thief to steal something as priceless as this in transit.”
“Um yeah … so with gift wrapping and tax, that will come to $23.42 … Gib.”
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I rather like to imagine that this is the inevitable conclusion to a Pathfinder Society game. One comprised entirely of wizards, who took the sensible route.
I was initially thinking Nat Geo when I started the riff, but as soon as I typed Society …
And yes, I will be creating a Dr. Smythe PC for PFS … perhaps an investigator, maybe an archaeologist bard with perception as a dump skill … to help explain “discovering” the gift shop. 😉